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“I got into this really good (and expensive) university. Yay!! The problem is it is a christian university and it’s pretty strict. Even though you are allowed to be gay and attend (phew), you are not allowed to date AT ALL, whereas straight people can date, but not have sex. As a girl who is closeted, but identifies as gay, would it be worth it to hide who I am for the year I’d be attending? Or, should I just take a gap year while I figure something else out? Please help!”

- Question submitted by anoddassortmentofeverything

Dannielle Says:

I think you gotta do what’s right for you and deep down, way before you asked this question, you knew what that was… Stop right now and think about what I’m about to say. Am I about to say, “nah, fuck that university, you have to be able to express yourself and be open in order to be emotionally healthy…” or am I about to say, “it’s just a year or so, and then you’ll have the education, and you can go off and do your own thing. Your private matters are your own and no one deserves to know them, etc.”

I can argue for hours on either point, but it wouldn’t really matter. What matters is how you feel, what you want to do, and what will make you feel best. A lot of people don’t give a flying fuck about sharing who they are with the people around them. A lot of people feel absolutely wrecked inside if they can’t be 100% themselves. It’s so specific to each individual, so it’s hard to tell you what’s “right.”

I think you can look back at the answers I gave and figure out what works best. There is no right answer, there is only what is right for you, and unfortunately you’ve gotta do that one on your own. If it helps, write out why each option is the best option. Stay positive on both sides. Write down all of the greatest reasons for you to go to school and not share every aspect of your life, what will you gain, how will the school benefit you, what kind of dope people will you meet. Write down all of the greatest reasons to take a gap year, what can you do with your time, what kind of people will you surround yourself with, how can  you continue to grow. Stay positive on all fronts and just pick the one that looks even better than the other totally great option.

No one will judge you either way, and if they do, it isn’t their place to do so, you have GOT to do you.

Kristin Says:

I just have two cents to add here, and that is:

If you do what Dannielle says and you follow your gut, you won’t regret the decision you make, period. Your gut tells you the way, nearly every single time, and even if you decide to go and you have moments where you struggle, or you decide not to go and you have moments during your year off where you feel a bit lost… you’ll still have made the right choice for you.

If you believe what I am telling you (and you should, I am a magical witch), then you will be able to take Dannielle’s direction, think through it, and make the choice that pulls you hardest.

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