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“What are some cute (and respectable) ways to casually flirt with someone you’ve just recently met and might be interested in?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I think the most respectable way to flirt with someone is to treat them like they are a person you would like to get to know… which shouldn’t be THAT hard bc they are just a person you would like to get to know.

The worst thing you can do while flirting is to assume that you are entitled to a positive response. There is nothing worse that not being into someone and then being made to feel bad about it! I don’t think that’s where you’re coming from, which is dope. You’re starting off just right.

When you see someone you’re immediately attracted to, whether they’re on a stage, making your coffee, teaching your yoga class, sitting next to you on a bus – they’re still a person you don’t know AT ALL. So treat them like a person you don’t know AT ALL, but you’d like to GET TO KNOW. That’s the trick. Here are some examples:

“I love that shirt, is it from Topman?”
“I just wanted to say, the point you brought up in class was EXACTLY what I’ve been trying to say for the past month, thank you for having good words inside your brain.”
”Hey – I saw you in GUYS N DOLLS last week and you were hands down my favorite.”
(Those are conversation starters)

“Do you have any interest in getting coffee with a complete stranger?”
“I wrote my number on this piece of paper because I had the urge to ask you out, but didn’t want to do the uncomfortable thing where you have to answer right away and in front of people, so, if you’d like to – you have the option. If you don’t want to – no harm no foul, I will still make great jokes every morning when I order the same latte.”
“I would love to ask you out either as a new friend or an official date, if you’re comfortable or into either of those things.”
(Those are ways to ask a human out)

The great thing about all of the examples I just gave you? It doesn’t matter how nervous / awkward / uncomfortable you are because you’re being respectful and sweet and kind. THAT’S ALL ANY OF US WANTS. IT REALLY IS. No one wants to be approached in a way that automatically makes them feel disrespected, uncomfortable, forced into something, etc. If you can avoid making someone feel that way, you are doing a great job.

The fact of the matter is, in flirting or asking someone out, or whatever… you want the person to walk away feeling flattered and respected. It doesn’t matter if they wanna settle down and marry you, go on a date with you, see you ever again, NONE OF IT MATTERS. It’s one second in time, it’s a passing convo, it’s a quick ‘what’s up,’ it isn’t anything that matters (yet). Might as well make the person feel really good about the moment, you know? And practice makes perfect, if the first 20 times it doesn’t work, but you walk away feeling really good about the way you approached the person and you know they feel really good and nice about they way you approached them, you’ll only continue to get better at flirting because you’ll feel fucking great about the way you’re doing it!

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2 thoughts on “Flirting 101

  1. I love this advice. My friends have been giving me a difficult time because I’m not “casual” enough when I ask people out. Historically, I’ve just been like “I like you. Do you want to go out sometime?” I reallllly like this girl that I only see like twice a month. So we’ve talked like twice. After we’re done working, I want to say “Hey, I’m heading out but I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee sometime.” All of my friends think that that’s going to make things awkward if she’s dating someone or is straight. But that’s what I feel comfortable saying! And come on it’s no more awkward than “I would love to ask you out either as a new friend or an official date, if you’re comfortable or into either of those things.” :) Thank you for validating my feelings. Whether you intended to or not. And thank you for letting me ramble in your comment section. I appreciate you and Kristin so much.

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