“I have the problem of wearing my heart on my sleeve, and falling WAY too fast for a girl that I am into. No matter what I do, I can't seem to break this habit of falling so fast, and it usually ends up with me scaring them off. So question is... How do I stop this ridiculous behavior?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
YOU GET OVER HERE AND LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG THAT’S HOW. Jaykay. That won’t do anything.
Let me tell you a shortened version of a long and painful story. The first girl I ever fell for, REALLY fell for, fell CRAZY for, I only dated for about 5 weeks. Ridiculous, I know, but it’s hard to distinguish your feelings when you’ve never had them. I couldn’t sleep b/c I thought about her too much. I couldn’t concentrate in classes, I wanted to impress her, I wanted her to want me forever. I told her I was crazy about her, I couldn’t stop talking about how much I liked her. I was her first girlfriend, and she was sort of scared, which I understood. Right before I left for fall break she asked if we could take things a little slower and I was, of course, fine with that. When I returned things were weird. I hated it. I didn’t know how to explain what was going on, but I had a constant sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew things weren’t the same, but I tried to ignore it.
A few days later I finally found out what was up. She’d been seeing someone else. They started hooking up while I was gone (on my birthday, actually). The story is much more dramatic if you ever wanna hear it one day, but that’s not the important part. The important part is the fact that I was exactly where you are, thedamester. I was torn into tiny pieces and had no fucking clue how to get those pieces back together. For 1.5 years I was like that. I mean, I dated other people, I was over it, wasn’t a big deal…but truthfully, every time I saw her I felt a twinge, and that twinge didn’t go away.
Feelings don’t just come and go when you want them to, it has a lot to do with growing and defining those feelings. What I had with GirlWhoSucks was nothing compared to the love and trust I’ve experienced since then.
I encourage you to be thankful for these feelings, but let yourself experience them a little more. Don’t rush into anything and proclaim your love for someone just because it feels right in that one moment. Let your immediate crush-love turn into something more. Allow them to fall for you too. Enjoy your excitement and share every moment you can, but let them initiate a little. Give them space, give them the chance them miss you. Don’t try to stop yourself from feeling, that’s a lost cause, but instead of texting them EVERY time you think about them, do it every 10th time.
When Dannielle and I were picking our weekly line-up of questions (we do that…we are professional and business-like), I read this question and was like, “Dannielle this one is so awesome, because WE ALL DO THIS.” It isn’t true, of course…we don’t all wear our hearts on our sleeves, but I do…and I typically use myself as the representation for the whole world.
Thing number one: Sometimes it is not possible to stop this ridiculous behavior. I have been in relationships that are many years long, and I’ve still fallen into pockets where I drown my partner in love…I have a lot of feelings.
Thing number two: Dannielle is right, the older you get and the more relationships you trudge through, the more you learn how your loving self works, and the better control you will have over those tumultuous emotions.
Thing number three: Try to remind yourself that the person you care for knows that you care for them, and that saying it one time means a lot more then saying it 47 times. I know it is hard. Trust me…when I love someone I am like a screaming tea kettle…but it is much more efficient to let out the steam slowly and not spill your hot water all over the place. #metaphors
Thing number four: You aren’t crazy. Ok. You are crazy, but so am I…and so are most of us. Know that it will get easier over time, and that those feelings are super wonderful, and you aren’t dumb or silly or weird for feeling out of control when they are banging around in your insides.
Warning: count(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable in /nfs/c04/h04/mnt/182820/domains/everyoneisgay.com/html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 399