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"So i’m a 17 yr old gay man and I’ve been having a really hard time showing people i like my interest in them. The thing is perceivably i am a "top" so i feel many guys think that i should be the one who should approach and you know be macho-man… But im actually quite shy. What are your thoughts on this and what are some ways you guys push yourself to make that first move."

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

THERE IS POWER IN THE AWKWARD/SHYNESS OF A HUMAN. Trust me. I’m the most awkward slash shy and I’ve had like 8,000 girlfriends (someone stop me).

You gotta be you, if you do WANT to say something, there is nothing wrong with writing a tiny note that says, “I am way too shy to tell you I think you’re FINE. Wanted you to know. xox”


If you’re like ‘being shy is the worst and i hate it’ then you just have to practice putting yourself out there like two million times. Force yourself to talk to cute boyz even if you just say, “I like that shirt,” saying something is saying something and if they’re interested they’ll totally pick up on it. BUT IF YOU’RE OKAY BEING SHY PASS NOTES AND DO CUTE THINGS AND YOU WILL BE FINE.

Kristin Says:

I have to tell you something: Nothing is more attractive to me than someone who appears super confident on the outside but then is all embarrassed and awkward in the actual execution of a conversation. NOTHING IS BETTER IT IS MY FAVORITE THING AMEN.

I just wanted you to first know that yes, as Dannielle says, your shy-self is going to be super attractive, endearing, and adorable to many people in this world. Trust me.

I think the second biggest part of this is telling yourself over and over again, “there are going to be weird moments. I am going to feel silly sometimes. All people feel silly sometimes. That’s what makes us people and not ants.” Or something like that, I don’t know.

Next, is just figuring out the best way in for you. Perhaps it is handing a person a note, like D suggested. Perhaps it is going to a bunch of parties or gatherings where they are and standing shyly on the sidelines for the first eight times, and on the ninth time mumbling, “I like your shoes.” Perhaps it will mean that you walk up to a person you like and say, “I am shy. This is hard for me. You are cute. Do you want my number?” and then wincing. Actually, do that one. Please do that one.

The point here is that your first move can be as bold or as meek as it needs to be, and then you learn from those experiences and keep trying. You will get the occasional person who makes you feel like an ass (spoiler alert: they are the ass), and you will have many more experiences where people think you are totally delicious.

Sorry for saying delicious.


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