“how do I come out to my therapist? I'm bipolar and I've been going to therapy for about a year, and my gay-ness is deffo not helping the depression bit, but what do I say?!”
- Question submitted by Anonymous
OKAY, after reading the FOURTH question about therapy I decided we need to answer this. FOUR OF THEM. And you guys ALL want to know how to talk to your therapist.
Let me tell you a little something. Therapy literally exists so that you can talk to someone and not feel judged, different, crazy, stupid, abnormal, weird, uncomfortable, INSERTNEGATIVEEMOTIONHERE. Therapists are there for you to tell EVERYTHING to. It’s not like you walk in one day and say ‘this is the one thing i’m upset about’ and they say ‘CUT YOUR HAIR DIFFERENT’ and then you are cured and you never go back. You go in, you talk to them, you tell them everything, you’re honest with them (maybe in ways you’re afraid to be honest with other people) and they listen to you. They assess what you’re going through, what you’ve been through and what you feel you WILL go through and they help you understand yourself a little bit more. Which, in turn, helps you live a much healthier and stable life.
If I were you, and I were depressed, and being gay was making it worse…that would be the FIRST thing I told my therapist “I’m gay, I have no one to talk to, I’m scared, I’m lonely, I’m hurt and it feels wrong” That’s what you say. You say exactly what you’re feeling.
Hiding anything from your therapist is like eating cereal with water. You know it’s SUPPOSED to be good, and like you SHOULD be getting something from it, but it’s just basically soggy…
I think it is impressive that you have paid this therapist of yours (who I will heretofore refer to as Dr. Therapy) for a year and they still don’t know that part of what you are struggling with is that you are gay. Anonymous, you are one tough cookie slash stubborn muffin. (I needed something to go with cookie.)
If I were you, I would say, “Hey, it has taken me awhile to get here, but I feel like I want to share something with you that is affecting my depression. It is hard for me to say.” The thing about therapy is, you are PAYING DR.THERAPY TO LISTEN TO YOU…you could say that first bit and then sit and blink for ten minutes while you build up the courage, and guess what? Dr. Therapy has to just sit there and blink back, and patiently wait for your next sentence. That is why therapy ruuuuules! You can say anything you want, however you want to say it, and Dr. Therapy is there to listen and to help you navigate through your struggles.
What I will say is this: You will not be able to take the steps that you need to take within your work in therapy if you are not being completely open about who you are and how you feel. I can promise you that, even though you might feel a little off when you first tell Dr. T that you are a big ‘mo, after another few conversations everything will settle into place and you will finally, FINALLY be able to talk openly about all of the things that you are going through.
Also, feel free to open the conversation by saying, “So, I wrote into everyoneisgay.com and asked them how to come out to you, and they called me a big ‘mo and they called you Dr. T.”
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