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"If you’re confused about your sexuality, what are some ways to try and clear things up a bit?"

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

I think the only way to ‘clear things up’ is to forget about sexuality and follow your heart.

I’M SORRY THAT I’M SO CHEESY, but I’m also totally 100% for real. It isn’t something you figure out over night. AND LIKE how are you supposed to know who you’ll fall in love with ten years from now? You could literally shout about being gay from the rooftops for ten years and then fall madly in love with a human of the opposite gender, YOU ARE NOT PSYCHIC AND YOU HAVE NO WAY OF KNOWING WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE.

In other news: you could try dating different people and see what you’re into. If you REALLY LOVE going on dates with girls and you SORT OF LOVE going on dates with boys and your NUMBER ONE FAVORITE DATES are with folks who identify as genderqueer. WELL THEN THERE YOU GO.

There is nothing wrong with going on dates to test the waters. How will you ever know if you like kissing someone if you never kiss them!?!?

Kristin Says:

Spoiler alert: I don’t have a word that ever means anything to me when it comes to my own sexuality. I am marrying a woman this Summer and still, in moments, scrunch my nose up when I try on words like “lesbian” and “queer.” I just don’t feel like a word. I feel like a person.

So, my advice to you is to toss those words out the window when it comes to thinking about yourself. You may find that in a few years you are like, “Oh man, I totally identify as a lesbian,” or you may find that you just settle into being a person with feelings, and that you use certain words to help you describe yourself to others… though always knowing that they don’t QUITE sum you up perfectly. Those are both completely awesome ways of being – it just depends on YOU.

If you are wondering, specifically, who you like to kiss or hold hands with or bone, then I think the only answer is time and having an open mind to different experiences. You don’t have to have an answer right now — just look outward at the people who surround you and think about the things you want and desire and stuff. Go after the things you want and then reflect on how those things make you feel after the fact. I kissed three girls and thought it was SO GROSS until I kissed a fourth girl and was like OMG WHAT… so you just have to take things person by person, experience by experience.

It’s tricky and confusing and overwhelming at times, but also know that that is part of the experience when it comes to understanding sexuality. It’s a slippery little sucker for some of us, but so long as you follow your gut, take things a day at a time, and don’t feel pressured to pick one word that sums you up, you are going to be a-okay.

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