Relationships / Long Distance

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“Would it be wrong to secretly spend my parents money (that would otherwise be used for coffee and shampoo) to fly home to see my girlfriend for her birthday and not tell them? I would feel terrible, but the thing is, they wouldn’t let me do it if I told them, just because they don’t want me to be with her and don’t want me to be gay because they are the absolutely most homophobic people I know. Also if I don’t see her then, I won’t get to see her for three months which I don’t think I can bear.”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Yes, it would be wrong. If you were to stretch the truth by saying you were visiting a friend, or taking a class or something, I could MAYBE support you. HOWEVER, if you straight up thief their hard-earned skrilla to do something they already aren’t into…you’re going to get yourself into a huge mess that will be difficult to get out of….MAS DIFICIL #spanish

You’re in a delicate spot with your parents right now and the LAST THING you should do is jeopardize their trust for you. Realize that they don’t hate you or think you’re wrong or dumb. They’re terrified for you, they love you and they think that the decisions you’ve made will hurt you in the end. Also, they are concerned for your safety, which is why they want to know WHERE YOU ARE and WHO YOU ARE WITH…DO NOT give them another reason to think you have ‘TOTALLY CHANGED EVER SINCE YOU STARTED DATING GIRLZZZZZ’ …you are still you and you have to work on getting your relationship with your parents back to a comfortable spot.

Maybe you and a friend can plan a trip to CITY and you can stay with your boo? You’re still going to CITY with FRIEND, your girlf just also HAPPENS TO LIVE THERE….It’s not the most honest way to handle things, but I understand being totally overwhelmed and convinced the truth will only make things worse. There has to be somewhere in between that won’t make it so you are a total liar, you know?

Kristin Says:

Aw, shit. This is a tough one. Here is the thing…I really want for you to see your girlfriend. I also really, really want you to be able to do that without breaking your parents’ trust.

It sounds like flying home is where your girlfriend is at, so if you flew home and didn’t tell them…you would be in the same town that your parents live in without them knowing and that is TOTALLY TERRIFYING. You would have to like, remain indoors at all times and you would probably poop with panic just going to get a sandwich, which is really not enjoyable.

The eighteen-year-old in me wants to just say, “FUCK IT, GO FOR IT AND ENJOY IT UNTIL THE SHIT HITS THE FAN,” but the thirty-year-old in me has a much louder voice, and one that is informed by lying to my own parents about things in college and high school, and finding out that it always, always ends in a bigger mess than necessary.

If there is any possible way that you can tell your parents that you want to come home, but that one of the nights you are there you will be going out with some friends for a birthday party, or some other near-to-close version of the truth, I would go that route. If that is absolutely not feasible at all, I would say the following:

Go with your gut. If you absolutely must lie to your parents and must see this girl, then you have to be ready for the consequences. If you lie and you get caught, you have to be able to understand their loss of trust in you, and you should also do your best to communicate that you love them, that you are sorry, and that all you want is to be able to tell them all the things about your life…but you are unable to do that because they are unable to allow you the room to be yourself.

 

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“Long story short, I'm a guy in the closet with a boyfriend two states over. He gave me this cute collar for my birthday, and I've been wearing it around the house, but I'm too nervous to wear it anywhere else. I'm usually not a very risque dresser, so how can I justify to my friends that I want to walk around in bondage?”

- Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

Well, when you’re friends are like ‘dude…WHAT IS THAT’ all you have to do is look them in the eye and very seriously say ‘a collar’ and then let the silence hang in the air for a GOOD TEN SECONDS, then just lunge the top half of your body toward them… Don’t do anything, just lunge a little bit… they’ll get the point.

BUTSRSLYYOUGUYS. Normally when you try to switch up your wardrobe your friends are like ‘ummmmm’ but they mean no harm and all you have to do is DO IT. When I started wearing vests all the time people were like ‘so, you’re really embracing this gay thing, huh?’ and i’d be like ‘yEA. YEA I AM’ and I’d LOL all over the place…I mean, I was super uncomfortable on the inside, but I just pretended I wasn’t. You want to spice up your wardrobe, spice it up, who cares why, how or who gave you the collar…

or you could always say ‘like my collar? i’m gay…soooooo’ and then see what happens??

Kristin Says:

Here is the thing.  I don’t understand why wearing a collar has to be classified as risque attire…it isn’t like you are wearing assless leather chaps to the grocery store, you know?

Here’s the other thing.  Yes, when people see a boy wearing a leather bondage collar they may automatically assume that he is a gayboy.  That is their problem.  Your sexuality is your business, and if your friends are like, “Dude, you wear a leather collar but you still say you don’t like boys in your bed?  PSHHHH,” you can be like, “Well, Tom, I am not sure if you are aware of this, but having a piece of leather in the vicinity of one’s neck doesn’t force that person to be attracted to boys.  Anyway, I don’t go around asking who you bone all the time, so calm down.”

You don’t have to justify anything.  You should wear what you want to wear, and that’s that.

One more idea: if your friend is like, “A LEATHER COLLAR?!” then you should look back and respond, “NIKE SNEAKERS?!” (or some other mundane article of clothing that they are wearing)

That’ll shut ‘em right up.

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“So, I recently started talking to this new girl (it's only been two months). We are not official and I don't think that we will make it official till college starts back in the fall. Since it is summer, she has gone home to another state.. I recently went to go visit her and had an amazing time :) I left the day before my bday and come to find out that when she took my luggage to her car before I left she place a little blue box in there with a nice piece of jewelry inside of it. I was completely blown away and didn't expect it. Her bday is in Aug and I wanted to go and see her, however I can't because of work. BUT! I can go up there a couple weeks before, I want to surprise her. She said that she would love to see me again before school but doesn't want me to waste my money. I don't look at it as a waste.. PLEASE HELP. I don't know what to do, but I want to see her happy and I think it would be awesome to be able to do this for her. Comments, concerns??”

-Question submitted by Anonymous

Dannielle Says:

If she wants to see you, and you can afford the time/money/effort to see her. You should absolutely do it. One time I was living in Chicago and dating someone thousands of miles away, I left at midnight one night, got there around 2pm, was tired as fuck and had to leave the next day around 1pm. It was awesome. I was tired and boring and we didn’t even do it or anything, but it was still totally worth it.

Love is love is love, you guys. When you’re at the stage in your relationship where you want to do a ton of dumb shit just to be next to that person, do it. Absolutely do it. Go crazy, love is such a cool and wonderful thing, you have to take advantage of your insane feelings.

Let yourself feel and do every single dumb thing that comes to mind.

Kristin Says:

I am always uber-careful about surprises because you want to make sure that the person will be thrilled and beside themselves upon your arrival…but since she left a tiny blue box inside of your luggage before you left, I am going to say OH MAN THAT IS SO CUTE AND SHE WOULD DIE IF YOU SURPRISED HER AND YOU WILL KISS AND SPOON AND LAUGH AND ALL WILL BE RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.  Except that whole oil spill thing.  But still.  You totally need to surprise her…

We should expand this blog to include things like video reactions to surprises that we encourage. I love surprisessssss.

Oh, and it is not a waste of money.  I am the queen of surprising those I love when they are far away, and I can tell you from my experience, it is always worth the money.  Love is greater than money, no exceptions.  That being said, I would still like a pony.

PS: For all of you who have girlfriends in other states, calm down.  CALM DOWN.  This is probably not a message from your girlfriend, and you will probably not be surprised in August.

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