"How can I stop acting like a dork-waffle and a half in front of people I find attractive?"
- Question submitted by Anonymous
sigh. I have no idea. bye.
JK. I mean… real talk I don’t have an idea, but I will regale you with some words that will maybe help. First of all, I am a born-n-bred dork waffle. I can’t NOT be a dork waffle, so I spent a long time learning to accept my dork waffliness. The fact of the matter is, I AM WHO I AM and who I am is a dork full of waffles (??) and when I like someone, I want them to like me back because they actually like me back, not because I played it super cool around them for a while and they thought the fake super cool version of me was the real me…
Second of all, accepting your dork waffliness is difficult. HOWEVER, it is possible. Think about it from the opposing POV. If a girl walked up to you and was like “heeyyyy sooooo you’re cute i’m leaving bye ttyl that paper has my phone number haha bye” one of two things would happen (1) you would think “holy shit that was the cutest thing on earth” OR (2) you would think “that was bizarre, I’m not at all attracted to that kind of human interaction.” If you’re not into it, you’re not into it, AND THAT’S OKAY. But if you arrrrre into it, good lord everything just got so awesome.
My point: Do you. Be true. Fall n Luv.
You guys. I love dork waffles.
I am like the Leslie Knope of Dorktown.
Get it? Bc Leslie Knope loves waffles and in Dorktown they would be Dork Waffles so if I am her it’s like a metaphor for loving dork waffles.
*picks mic back up*
Seriously, though. All the things Dannielle said. Who ever told anyone that dorkwaffles weren’t totally attractive?
If you want tips to keep your cool a little more FINE, plan a couple of things to ask about, make eye contact, keep breathing, say goodbye one time instead of four times, blahblahblah. There are your tips. You know what you’ll do with them? You’ll make a plan to ask her about where she got her jeans, and instead you’ll say “Jeans! HAHA!” and instead of making eye contact you’ll accidentally look at the zipper on her jeans bc you were going to say something relevant but your eyes will get stuck there for a second too long and then you’ll be all “OH GOD I WASN’T LOOKING AT YOUR CROTCH I’M SORRY. It was your zipper. I was thinking about jeans. Because I like your zipper. I mean your jeans. Anyway…” (At this point you will have forgotten to breathe and you’ll gulp air like you are preparing for an underwater challenge) “…HERE’S MY NUMBER IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK ABOUT THINGS BESIDES JEANS.” Then you’ll run away and forget to even say goodbye at all.
It’s. Fine. EMBRACE YOUR DORKWAFFLINESS.
Being a self-proclaimed dork waffle is a beautiful thing. Don’t fight it.
Lots of us out here really like our dork waffles just the way they are.