"The girl I’ve been dating for about a month and a half just told me she’s in a relationship. An open, long distance relationship, but a relationship. Now… I know I should cut her off, but I care about her too much to do so. Am I stupid for continuing to see her? :("
- Question submitted by Anonymous
Here is a life spoiler alert: NO ONE EVER DOES WHAT THEY SHOULD DO. EEVVVAARRRR. We follow our stupid idiot hearts and ignore our brains until we are crying in a puddle and convinced we will never feel love again. So, I will give you advice, but I am doing it knowing FULL-WELL you will probably ignore me bc kisses.
If yo girl being in a relationship with someone else makes you feel shitty, you should stop seeing her. If it makes you feel anxious and taken advantage of, you should stop seeing her. If you constantly feel like you aren’t good enough, and wonder why she doesn’t want to be with just you and it makes you feel uncool and worthless, you should stop seeing her. You should be REALLY HONEST with yourself and your feels because if you try to avoid them, statistics show that they will 100% build and build over time and you will feel EXPONENTIALLY SHITTIER #sciencefacts.
However, there are plenty of working relationships btwn people in similar situations. If you are okay with her being in another relationship and you are completely honest with yourself and your feels, you can maybe make it work.
I don’t have the ability to do that, but I also don’t have the ability to stop making out with someone I want to make out with when I know good-and-well it’s a terrible idea… So, GOOD LUCK TAKING MY ADVICE.
Yup yup yup, this is one MILLION percent based on you and what kind of relationship you want. From the tone of your question, it sounds like you are upset. You totally have room for all of those feelings, but it does sound like the girl you’ve been seeing is just being honest with you about her situation, and hoping that you will still be on board.
This is, as Dannielle mentioned, where shit gets TRICKY. You already sound upset, so you have to really sit with those feelings and pull them apart, bit by bit. Make a list if that is something that will help you, and jot down all of the feelings and why you think you are feeling them. Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel confused? Do you feel sad or unsure or angry? Every time you write a feeling, write for as long as you can/need about WHERE that feeling comes from. Sometimes this will just help you vent, but other times it will help you clarify the feelings (“I am angry because she should have told me sooner… but it has only been about a month so I guess it is pretty soon… so I am angry because I just wish this didn’t happen”).
After you do some work on what the feelings truly are, you should talk to your girl. Be as honest with her and with yourself as possible. If you want to try this, absolutely try it… but you have to keep being honest with yourself and with her! If you keep picking fights over who ate the last Twizzler and you KNOW it’s actually you resenting her other relationship, YOU GOTTA BE REAL.
No one wants to deal with fights about Twizzlers that carry the weight of the world. Capeesh?
Be real. Be strong. Be honest.