“I have started to think I might be a lesbian. Thinking about it makes me feel wonderful, like I belong and everything is right in the world. I keep daydreaming about girls and having a girlfriend. I never thought about boys that way. Sometimes though, I feel like I’m faking it, because I have no idea how to feel. The thought of me being wrong about this makes me so upset. Any advice?”
-Question submitted by Anonymous
I am going to take a moment here and repeat some words that you just said back to your sweet, sweet head so that we are all sure we have heard them:
“Thinking about it makes me feel wonderful, like I belong and everything is right in the world.”
Let me tell you something, dear, sweet Anon: those feelings are anything but fake. They are wonderful, amazing, incredible, awesome, totally badass feelings. You should take those feelings and hold them close to your heart-space and then put on your coziest sweater and then lie on top of the snuggliest blanket you can find on the fluffiest bed with the poofiest pillows and then ROLL AROUND AND AROUND ALL IN THOSE GOOD FEELINGS.
We don’t fake feelings. If you are feeling those warm, awesome things when you think about having a girlfriend, that means those are your feelings and they are real real real real real. If those feelings connect to the word “lesbian” for you then VOILA, you are a lesbian! Regardless of the word you use to describe them, they are real and true… and they are yours.
Let me tell you what else! If, in two days or months or years or decades those feelings change?? That still doesn’t mean you were faking it. It means that in 2016 you rolled all around in brilliant feelings and daydreamed about girls and maybe even dated a bunch of them or married one of them or WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT YOU DID… but you had a blast, and now, perhaps, those feelings happen from some other desire or human or thing or place.
We are people and every moment we breathe in and breathe out, we change.
My advice to you is this: trust yourself. You aren’t wrong. You can’t be wrong about your feelings because you are you, and you know who you are today better than anyone else. Allow yourself to be that person, and allow yourself to wake up tomorrow and rediscover everything all over again. No one day invalidates the last one, and no one feeling invalidates any others.